You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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