I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
