what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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