YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
