HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
