my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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