someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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