the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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