Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
