Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this boner is exhausting
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
