he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
