Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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