yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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