don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
