I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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