You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
