girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
