is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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