By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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