im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
