Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize