What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize