So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
