your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
