NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
