Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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