Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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