can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
