There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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