i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
