you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
