On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
