so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
