DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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