ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He kissed a someone with a penis
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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