I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
