I want to walk on stilts...naked
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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