I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
