Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
