Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize