If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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