I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
