May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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