Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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