look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
