you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
