Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize