Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
