Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
