We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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