p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
