'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he fucked my hip out of place.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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