K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
