Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
