just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
