Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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