it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
