"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
