My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
