you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
