Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
