I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
