Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
