dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had sex on a roof
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
