i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
