after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
