I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got inside last night via doggy door
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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