8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
